The true waste of life… is self-abandonment.

When I awakened at 40, I finally saw the truth of my past.

I didn’t waste my life on mistakes or failures.
I wasted it on something deeper—

I wasn’t living as myself.

For decades, I lived for others.
I shaped myself around what they wanted.
What they liked.
What they expected.

I adjusted myself constantly, because I thought that would make me a good person.

Now I see it clearly:

It was the biggest leak of my life.

Marcus Aurelius wrote:

“Do not waste the remainder of your life in thoughts about others.”

The first time I read that line, it felt like he was speaking directly to me.

Because that was exactly how I had lived—

• watching myself through other people’s eyes
• guessing what they felt
• suppressing my truth
• shrinking my identity

When you live like that, you lose something precious:

your truth,
your potential,
your mind,
your whole life.

Focusing on others is not kindness.
It is self-abandonment.

And awakening is the moment you stop doing that—
the moment you come back to yourself
and finally learn to love yourself first.

What Awakening Really Is

People hear the word “awakening”
and they think of something mystical.

But for me, awakening was simple and painful:

Awakening is the moment you realize
your actions no longer match your true values.

It’s the moment the gap becomes too big to ignore.
The moment you can no longer pretend.
The moment your inner voice becomes louder than your fear.

Awakening is clarity.
Awakening is honesty.
Awakening is return.

Awakening Ended My Time-Wasting

Most self-help says:

• “Manage your time.”
• “Wake up earlier.”
• “Stop procrastinating.”
• “Be disciplined.”

But time-wasting is not a scheduling problem.
It’s a misalignment problem.

Before awakening, I thought I had a “time problem.”
But I didn’t.

My life simply did not match my inner truth—
so my mind resisted everything.

I wasted time by:

• living for others
• suppressing emotions
• hiding inside roles
• avoiding my accumulated feelings
• escaping into distractions

These were not time issues.
They were identity issues.

You cannot manage time
when you are not living as yourself.

You cannot stay focused
when your life doesn’t fit your soul.

And you cannot be disciplined
inside a life that suffocates you.

Awakening didn’t fix my schedule.
It fixed the root cause.

When I stopped abandoning myself,
time stopped slipping away.

Clarity created discipline.
Truth created alignment.
Alignment made everything flow.

I Changed How I Use My Mind

Before awakening, my mind wasn’t my tool.
It was my prison.

I used it to fear the future.
Replay the past.
Overthink everything.
Analyze everyone’s reactions.
Protect an identity that wasn’t real.

My mind scattered in every direction
except toward myself.

After awakening, everything changed.
My mind became something I could use—
not something that used me.

I began thinking with:

• reflection
• awareness
• understanding
• discipline
• creativity
• growth

Marcus Aurelius teaches:

Reclaim your mind.
Direct it.
Shape it.
Use it with purpose.

When your mind becomes clear,
your life becomes simple.

When your mind aligns with truth,
your actions align naturally.

When you use your mind consciously,
time no longer controls you—
you control time.

Someday Became Today

Before awakening, I lived inside a quiet lie:

“Someday.”

Someday I’ll improve my English.
Someday I’ll take care of myself.
Someday I’ll change my body.
Someday I’ll speak my truth.

But “someday”
is just another form of self-abandonment.

When I awakened,
time suddenly felt real.
Alive.
Urgent.

And then—
effortlessly—

Someday became today.

I started writing even when I wasn’t good.
I started filming even when I wasn’t ready.
I started speaking truth even when it was uncomfortable.
I started choosing myself
even when it surprised people.

Awakening stops the waiting.
You begin living your life instead of postponing it.

I Chose to Become Fully Alive

Awakening didn’t just change how I thought.
It changed the entire texture of my days.

I felt light—
as if decades of weight finally lifted.

I felt awake—
like I had opened my eyes
after years of sleepwalking.

I felt clarity—
sharp and undeniable.

I felt urgency—
not fear,
but a deep knowing
that life is happening now.

I felt purpose—
a direction that came from within.

And I wasn’t scared anymore.
The fear that once shaped my life simply dissolved.

For the first time,
I wasn’t surviving.
I wasn’t performing roles.
I wasn’t hiding.

Something inside me clicked:

I finally began to live.

Fully.
Consciously.
Deliberately.

And the moment I returned to myself,
the wasting of my life ended.

You don’t become a new person.
You become yourself.

How I Use My Time Now

After awakening,
time became something I honor.

Because now my time is connected to me—
my truth,
my alignment,
my highest self.

Today:

• I read every morning
• I train my body with intention
• I write and create from truth
• I observe my mind
• I follow my inner voice
• I protect my energy fiercely
• I create instead of consume
• I grow every day

These are not habits.
These are expressions of alignment.

This is how I stay awake.
This is how I stay connected.
This is how I live with clarity and purpose.

My life is no longer something I postpone.
My time is no longer something I waste.

I live deliberately.
I act with purpose.
I stay aligned.
I remain present.
I value every moment.

Because now—finally—
I am living my life, not abandoning it.

A Real-Life Example: Lyubishchev’s 56-Year Time System

After I awakened, I discovered the story of a scientist named Lyubishchev. For 56 years, he recorded every minute of his life — not to be efficient, but to build the person he wanted to become.

Most time-management teaches us to “do more in less time.” But Lyubishchev used time to shape identity, not chase productivity.

That’s why his life was abundant:

he published 70+ academic works

mastered multiple languages

read thousands of books

walked every day

slept 10 hours

traveled

built deep friendships

His secret was simple:

Time becomes powerful when your life is aligned.

This is exactly what my awakening taught me. When you stop abandoning yourself, you stop abandoning your time.

When your identity is clear, your hours become meaningful.

Awakening and Lyubishchev led me to the same truth:

Time is not for tasks. Time is for building who you are.