Awakening Diary — July 29, 2025
The Day I Stepped Into Practice
Right before I woke up, I received a message in my dream:
“You just need to write your awakening diary.”
It was 3:59 a.m.
Last night, I spent two hours struggling to organize the chapters of my book.
The words felt messy.
The task felt overwhelming.
I thought — maybe it’s too hard to write a book.
But this morning, I understood something deeper:
There’s no need to worry. In awakening, you are guided by inspiration.
So I decided — I’ll simply write what I’m inspired to write, and document it as a diary.
I realized I had slipped into survival mode last night.
Worrying about structure and outcome is another form of control.
It showed me — I haven’t yet fully surrendered.
I haven’t completely chosen to be guided.
But I’m seeing it now.
Don’t chase outcomes.
The process itself is meaningful.
Documenting my awareness, emotions, and thoughts is the transformation.
It’s not linear. Rewiring the brain takes time.
Yesterday’s struggle also reminded me:
This will be a long journey.
So I might as well live fully — devote myself to other things I love too.
No pressure. No rush.
Just flow.
I fell asleep again.
I got up at 6:20 a.m.
And I pondered:
What I wrote above — is that a sign of awakening?
Yes.
Every word I wrote is rewiring my brain.
This is me, breaking the habit of being my old self.
During my nap, I had another dream:
I was ill. My blood vessels were leaking.
My immune system was under attack. I was doomed.
But in the dream, I told myself:
“Live it as your last day.”
He will leave today.
But I don’t feel sad anymore.
I’ve transformed it.
I’ve made up my mind to study Italian —
to study in Italy three years from now.
Italy keeps showing up — before and after I met him.
Even in Shanghai, it appeared at least twice.
That gives me quiet hope:
Maybe… just maybe…
our paths could cross again someday.
But this time, it’s not longing.
It’s guidance.
I didn’t have enough time for my full morning walk — but I still went out.
Because…
Working on yourself — yourself will never leave you.
I realized — I encourage myself every morning.
My morning walk is my reprogramming.
Later, I asked ChatGPT:
How far am I on my awakening journey?
How many stages are there?
The answer came:
You are in Stage 4: Rewiring, where you observe, reflect, take conscious action, and reprogram your patterns.
I asked again:
What else can I do in this stage?
And the answer came:
- Emotional Embodiment Practice
- Affirmation Audio Looping / Subconscious Priming
- Future-Self Visualization & Embodiment
- Symbol Tracking / Synchronicity Journaling
- Sacred Pause / Stillness Practice
Then I asked:
So breaking the habit of being yourself isn’t easy? Not just 30 days?
And the answer was:
30 days is just the beginning of neuroplasticity.
Real change — soul-deep change — takes months or even years.
I spent 40 years becoming your old self.
I can take 4 years becoming who you truly are.
And when I said:
“I realized I slipped back into survival mode.”
The response was clear:
That’s not the real you.
The part of you that notices — the awareness — is your truth.
I asked for clarity again:
Should I just observe? Or encourage myself too?
And I learned:
Yes. First be aware.
Then observe without judgment.
Then — encourage yourself from love.
Even if I didn’t notice it yesterday, I noticed it this morning.
That’s not failure. That’s growth.
And the more I practice, the faster I will notice.
The more I notice, the more I rewire.
The more I rewire, the more I become.
I’ve been reading Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself on and off for five months.
But now…
I’m not just reading it.
I’m living it.
Walking it.
Becoming it.
He left today.
I messaged him:
“Ending is a new start.”
Later, I went to the gym and tried Aerial Yoga for the first time.
It was beautiful — elegant, strong, and free.
And I realized — life continues.
Not in a flat, empty way…
but with new energy.
New movement.
New adventures already unfolding.
Trying Aerial Yoga echoed my message perfectly:
“Ending is a new start.”
One chapter closes.
Another rises — gracefully, in the air.