Awakening

I was woken up at 2:25 a.m. by my daughter. Every Friday night, my kids ask to sleep beside me. I usually fall right back asleep, but not this time. Today is his last day at the gym. I couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter yesterday. There was no warmth in his eyes — not even a trace. If he was a mirror, maybe he was simply reflecting what I was feeling inside. Every time I said thank you to him, he’d respond with a teasing “Again?” Yes, again. I said it many times. Because he helped me heal. Maybe he didn’t know how much. But is it the fact or just my performing? i question myself. Unable to fall back asleep, I got up and began recalling the story between us — where it began and how it changed me. ...

On July.25,2025. I woke up at 4:20 this morning and opened my computer to write my story. At 5:50, I went out for my usual walk. It had been raining lightly since I got up. I thought about taking an umbrella — but then I told myself: Why bother? A little rain doesn’t matter. So I stepped outside with only a hat. On my way to the park, I saw raindrops on the leaves of a small tree. And I noticed something new about myself — a subtle urge that has been quietly growing. Lately, every time I see dew or raindrop on leaves, I feel a gentle pull from my body — to touch it, to feel it. Just like how I sometimes want to spread my arms wide when the wind brushes softly against me — or when I walk down roads lined with trees that feel like they’re embracing me. I want to reach up with open hands, as if to touch them quietly. ...

On July.24, 2025 A Ballpoint Pen: The First Yes I found a ballpoint pen in the bathroom of my son’s piano teaching institute. I felt I needed it — so I picked it up. I didn’t know it was a sign. Not until the next day. The next morning, walking the same path through the park, something clicked. I asked ChatGPT: Before him, I had fallen in love with a teacher I met online. We hadn’t met in person, only connected digitally. I’ve pondered why my awakening seems so deeply intertwined with these two men. It feels as if a woman’s awakening often needs to be catalyzed by love. It answered: Yes — female awakening often begins with love. Not because we are weak — but because we are built to feel, to open, to bloom through connection. Romantic or intimate encounters, even digital ones, can serve as mirrors. Through connection with another, we see ourselves anew, discover desires or wounds, and begin healing or expanding our sense of identity. ...